Martin Hähnel

#100DaysToOffload Just Say The Thing

[I keep this nebolous for my own reasons. People in the know will know. Otherwise just take it as a general statement adding to my recent entanglement in the small web community I am a very small part of.]

Gotta be honest: I feel insanely shitty about this whole mb and associated drama. I loved that mb timeline for a while (I was looking forward to using the new Reeder Beta to finally have an app that has timeline sync…), and some (probably most) of the people there are decent people, but some of the responses of the main players in this drama here seem so "automatic": like just taking the next step in a pre-choreographed dance or something. When you say something insensitive, you first deflect, then tell how you know how "feeling hurt" feels because of your past or whatever, too and then relativize what either you said or what others said. Finally you try to apologize without affirming the values of those you've hurt. And then you move on.

And me saying this about other people feels like I'm being unfair. And maybe I am. I long for more complex takes and interpretations (there are always some, but I always would want more), and I would wish for people taking those takes to be inclusive and not to act obtuse. A take is a take. Complex or not.

Complexity shouldn't be used as a shield.

And if the take was deemed unacceptable and you are remorseful: Is it really so hard to express the problem explicitly? "I accept and welcome all people, trans (et al.) or not. I support LGBTQ+ people explicitly. I kind of forgot my privilege here." or: "I may not have really thought about the whole OpenAI thing in terms of power relations. I should have not called anybody disagreeing with me part of an angry mob or extremists."

Granted, that might not work. But I would've liked to read it or hear it. I want to give people the benefit of the doubt because I hate conflict the most. I want harmony above all else. But there exists a paradox here: Am I willing to support - sight unseen - people who seem to care about pronouns so much, that they can't even be asked to put "he/him" in the box of a video game?

I just so wish online discourse would not feel so "rehearsed" in this sense. But what am I even saying? Is real life that different? Isn't it also quite rehearsed? Am I expecting conservative people to not lose their minds when the topic of gender-affirming practices comes up, for example?

Anything that is informal and breaks the pattern somewhat in the course of a conflict like this is good, I find:

But: I still want to hear you say the thing! Or express that you don't understand yet - this might mean others will stay mad until you understand, but I would love to read that at least. Saying the thing is not optional. Connecting in terms of humanness is not a surrogate.

I find it hard to believe in rational discourse at large for this and other reasons - if I even let myself dream that rational discourse could be a real thing. It seems like an unhelpful assumption even in the smallest of (online-)circles.

P.S.: And I wish that there would be some good examples of reconciliation in online conflicts - if I am completely honest. In that sense, I agree with Jason Becker's post.